We need to talk about Kevin

George Dobell’s interesting Cricinfo article on Kevin Pietersen this week got me thinking a bit about our South African friend (let’s not deny it – for all the England tattoos and overtly patriotic statements, KP’s definitely more Bloemfontein than Bloomsbury). We’ve grown pretty used to Kev – he’s been a fixture in the middle order, although for some reason rarely at number 3, since the Ashes in 2005. We take him for granted, but this familiarity seems to mean that we let a lot go as far as he’s concerned. KP is quite different from many of the England players who pass through the Test team, most of whom are so unmemorable that you’ve probably forgotten they ever put on a navy blue cap (think such cricketing titans as James Ormond, Usman Afzaal or Warren Hegg). For better or for worse, Pietersen is unforgettable.

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Hurling away Eoin Morgan?

There’s nothing like a complete gubbing from what should have been a winning position to provoke a bout of soul searching in English cricket (see post Headingley ’09 – drop everyone! Bring back Trescothick! Bring back Ramps!).

So, in the spirit of the media autopsy into what went wrong, we decided to take a wild swing at Eoin Morgan, which is ironic really, as that’s what he’s spent the series doing.

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England loss put down to desire to get rid of Boycott once and for all

As the inquest into the causes of England’s defeat goes on, hacks everywhere are pointing to the batsmen’s terrible techniques against spin. Frankly, they’ve got a point. Eoin Morgan looks like he couldn’t pick which way the ball is going to spin even if the bowler were to flat out tell him before he bowls it, whereas Ian Ronald Bell (why he doesn’t go by Ronald, I don’t know, it suits him much better), having been a loveable pet bunny to his two previous owners, Shane and Muttiah, has moved on to pastures new where Saeed now takes good care of him. Every innings.

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Very unappealing

On our stairs hangs a Punch cartoon involving a batsman turning to a wicketkeeper, who has evidently just appealed for a stumping. The batsman says to the keeper ‘You’re wasted ‘ere – you ought to be appealin’ on be’alf of some charity’. Which brings me to this:

After the horror of this morning’s live entertainment, we’ve been desperately searching for some explanation for the complete lack of spine displayed by England’s batsmen, and we’ve hit upon what we think is a pretty good one.

I am, of course, referring to the one-and-only Adnan ‘the Banshee’ Akmal, the latest of the dentally impaired shrieking Akmal brothers.

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72 all out is the new 51 all out

We hadn’t planned to start a blog, but after this morning’s debacle (calling it a ‘performance’ would be being a bit generous), we’ve decided that the way forward is to plot the rise and rise of England cricket rather as we might do in the pub over a pint of something (probably something very strong today). This will involve a great deal of ranting because the England team will never be perfect owing to a curse put on them by the Australian government after the Jardine / Larwood ‘incidents’, and as a result we will be forever lumped with players who fall into one of three categories:

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