A Marriage of Convenience – England and KP renew their vows

The extended family are relieved. After apologies, tears, flattery and a period of ‘re-integration’, it seems that for the moment, Kev’s marriage may be back off the rocks. However, writes this relationship counsellor, despite appearances, it’s not really. After the last domestic, it seemed KP and England would be filing the divorce papers and Kev would be running off to his flashy younger mistress, Tee (20), an English-born Indian temptress, whose lustrous curves and ample moneybags have turned many heads. But ultimately, it seems, Kev and Easy Bea, his wife of some eight years, have realised that life without each other would be like watching the Champions League T20: shallow and pointless.

Easy Bea comes from a noble blood line – her mother, Teasy C. Bea had numerous relationships with successful men – Gower, Botham, Gooch, to name but a few. Bea’s grandmother, Emily (Em) C. See and her similarly named ancestors had been batting their eyelids at successful batsmen since the late eighteenth century. Easy Bea’s heritage is steeped in history, greatness and class. Kevin, by contrast, is the son of a colonial commoner. In a rags-to-riches story, Pietersen travelled to England to court young Bea, and after a whirlwind romance, they were finally married in 2005.
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The Yips XI

We are frequently reminded of our sporting inadequacies when watching professional sportsmen and women doing their jobs; to succeed at the highest level requires skill, dedication and talent (whatever that is…), none of which we, as resigned amateurs, possess. The fact is, these people are operating on a level far out of our reach – being able to sway out of the way of a 95mph short ball, zeroing in on your larynx, is something that 99.9% of the population couldn’t do. Therefore, it’s immensely gratifying (not to mention hilarious) to see these people suffer the sort of technical and mental lapses that would have an Under-13 player looking a bit sheepish. So, for this list, we’ve dug up footage of moments in history when cricketers got the yips, or had total brain freeze. And where better to start, than your humble bloggers’ favourite mentally fragile Australian:

1. Mitchell Johnson

Yes, this was as inevitable as night following day. We don’t like to pick on individuals (yeah, right) but Mitchell’s bowling is one of our very favourite topics. We know he’s bowling fast, we know he’s got a slingy action, but every time he wangs it down the leg side for five wides, it’s a brief reminder of some of the lower echelons of club cricket, where getting the ball on the cut strip is something of an achievement. It just never gets old.

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