More updates from the first Test

It’s taken two days to come in, but here is the update from our man from Day 4:

COOK STILL BATTING STOP WILL IT EVER END STOP THANK THE LORD FOR PRIOR OR ELSE WOULD HAVE ENDED IT ALL STOP PIETERSEN MAKING PITCH LOOK LIKE SNAKE PIT STOP

And from Day 5:

ENGLAND LOSE BY 9 WICKETS STOP TAIL ONLY GOOD FOR MAKING FEATHER DUSTERS STOP BELL TO RETURN HOME BY NEXT STEAMER FOR BIRTH OF CHILD EXPECTED BACK MARCH STOP WISH MORE OF ENGLAND BATSMENS WIVES WOULD GET IN FAMILY WAY BASED ON CURRENT FORM STOP

Opinionated as ever…

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