The TGECF Awards 2012 (Part 1)

We felt we would be missing out if we didn’t follow everyone else’s lead and give out some awards on the arbitrary basis that the date is about to change or some such. After a black tie gala dinner at one of London’s finest establishments (more like a couple of pints and some peanuts at a south London boozer) we’ve come up with some exciting awards to give out. There aren’t any actual prizes, although winners can apply personally to us with £19.99 (plus £2.99 post and packaging) and a couple of signed shirts and we’ll send them a cuddly toy or something.

We’ve split the awards up into two parts, so here goes with Part the first.

Pointless series of the year – Australia’s ODI series in England (award presented by Alexander Armstrong)

It’s not like us to point out how wonderful we are (ahem) but we would like to say that we called this, way back on 1st February. It really did turn out to be an utter, utter waste of everybody’s time. Australia turned up, thoroughly disinterested, going down 4-0 without a fight. From their point of view, it gave them a chance to see that Peter Forrest really couldn’t cut it in English conditions and yet another reminder that the mentally unstable Mitchell Johnson must be the most frustrating player in the world to captain (bowling a total of 7 overs for 43 runs in the series). The ECB’s justification was that there is to be a reciprocal series just before the next world cup, but seriously, guys, international cricket deserves better. It was nearly as pointless as this:

 

Luddites of the Year – Board of Control for Cricket in India (BCCI) (award presented by King Canute)

The conduct of the BCCI just makes us want to repeatedly bang our heads against a brick wall to end the madness once and for all. They may as well have been actual Luddites, smashing up machinery, for all their wilful refusal to accept the introduction of technology. There is not a single justification left for not having technology – you can tell by their body language that India’s players want it – but somewhere up their in their ivory tower at BCCI HQ, whichever dinosaurs are pulling the strings just can’t get on board with the idea. Sigh.

Hypocrisy of the Year – N Srinivasan (BCCI) (award presented by John McEnroe)

In a related award, cast your minds back a couple of weeks ago to Jonathan Trott being given not out after an appeal for a catch at the wicket off Ishant Sharma. Trott was, quite correctly it later transpired, given not out. At which point MS Dhoni and Virat Kohli, as well as other members of the Indian team, launched a tirade at Rod Tucker (and indeed Jonathan Trott). This came just weeks after N Srinivasan, one of the aforementioned dinosaurs at the BCCI, said, in defence of their position on DRS that “If you don’t have faith in the umpire – which itself is a contradiction, as in cricket the umpire’s verdict is final – if a player shows dissent you fine him.” Staggeringly, both Kohli and Dhoni escaped censure by the ICC for the incident. However, we suggest Mr Srinivasan has a word with the Indian team, as it appears that neither player was toeing the party line. You can’t have it both ways, chaps. Either the umpire’s decision is final or you have DRS. Pick your poison and keep your mouths shut.

Scarecrow Award for Lack of Brain – Ian Bell (award presented by Judy Garland)

It’s a constant topic of discussion for us as to what it is about Ian Bell that means he’ll never be considered for the England captaincy. Maybe it’s that he’s more of a follower than a leader – nothing wrong with that. Maybe it’s because he’s never quite been established in the England team enough to merit it. Or maybe it’s because he’s prone to the sort of boneheaded moments that make you wonder if he wouldn’t score pretty highly on the Mitchell Johnson scale of mercuriality. We need look no further than the most recent Test series for one off these incidents of utter brain-freeze, specifically during the first Test at Ahmedabad. Perhaps he had one mind on impending fatherhood, because coming in at 69-4, Bell ran down the track first ball and toed it to mid-off. Would Alastair Cook have done that? Not bloody likely (except that time the red mist descended and he was stumped). Unfortunately for you, Ian, Brad Haddin’s meltdown was in 2011, so not eligible here.

Throw of the Year – Andrew Strauss (award presented by the late Robert Percival, from inside a barrel)

This award is not given for throwing distance, nor is it for throwing down the stumps, nor, either, is it for a hilariously bad throw. Instead it is for a throw so unerringly accurate at a distance of approximately 1 foot that it caused Andrew Strauss’s sunglasses to be virtually vaporised – see below if you don’t believe us. Perhaps the most impressive thing is that the throw still made it back to the intended target, Matt Prior. Needless to say, everybody fell about laughing. The best angle can be seen at 1:18 in the video:

 

Hilarious Spat of the Year – Prabir Mukherjee and, you’ve guessed it, the BCCI (award presented by Kevin Pietersen)

We’ll come back to Pietersen a little later, but this particular gem followed on from MS Dhoni’s very sporting, but ultimately (with hindsight) misguided request that the Eden Gardens pitch should be a filled with spitting cobras… er, would turn square from Day 1. The groundsman, Mr Mukherjee, naturally angry at having to source so many poisonous snakes, er… do so much extra work, at short notice got into what can only be described as a hissy fit, claiming it was “immoral” to deprive the paying public of five days of dour, flat-track batting, prompting the BCCI to send another groundsman in. Mukherjee promptly declared himself on medical leave, before eventually making peace, but not before the entire thing had descended into a French farce.

Biggest Ego – Kevin Pietersen (award presented by himself)

Obviously.

And to round off Part 1, a couple of minor, technical categories:

Most Hysterical Overreaction – any Indian cricket fan on the Cricinfo comments section

Biggest Sweeping Generalisation not Wholly Rooted in Fact – the previous award

Join us again in a couple of days for the remaining awards, including ball of the year, worst pitch of the year and unpleasant noise of the year.

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2 Comments

  1. This blog really keeps on improving all the time.
    You should honestly be satisfied.

    Reply
  1. The TGECF Awards 2012 (Part 2) « Two Grumpy England Cricket Fans

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