Ten balanced and reasoned thoughts on the current state of Australian cricket by two utterly impartial commentators

Yeah, as if.*

  • We’ve got to say, we agree with the general consensus that Mickey Arthur and Michael Clarke’s handling of Presentationgate (which is what we assume it’s been named, if not, it’s now Copyright TGECF 2013) was a mite on the draconian side. That said, it’s well worth reading Brydon Coverdale’s article, which tries to set the context in which this decision was taken and, suddenly, it makes more sense. Even so, there were perhaps better, albeit less hilarious, ways of resolving it internally without reducing the assembled mass of the cricketing world to either Force 12 rage (if Australian) or giggling little girls (if everyone else).

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Broad and the hacks – how journalism works

I have been intrigued recently by the treatment of golden boy Stuart Broad in the print media. Young Stewie has had a rough ride of late; injury, poor form and porous batting leading to questions about his place in the side, and understandably so. He went two-and-a-bit Tests without even taking a wicket, poor bloke, leading to him being dropped / rested in the Third Test against India. “Stuart Broad should be replaced by Steven Finn”, shouted Nasser Hussain in the Daily Mail, although the article that followed was a much more reasoned piece than the headline implied. George Dobell, in a front page op-ed on Cricinfo, opined in November that Broad was “at a crossroads.” This was strange, given that, as Dobell points out in the first couple of paragraphs of the article, Broad was the leading wicket-taker in the world in 2012 at the time of writing. Anyone would have thought, reading the headlines, that Broad was a hopeless under-performer who was merely in the side because of good looks alone.

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The Over: New Zealand v England – 1st Test

Our usual heroic correspondent was last seen in the bar of an India-New Zealand steamer, bemoaning the lack of decent gin and suggesting that if the boat stopped in Sri Lanka he fancied chucking in the whole cricket nonsense for good. From our icy fastness in the freezing wastes south of the river, we’ve pulled together the following, aided by generous helpings of curry, to sum up what we thought of the first Test.

1. The failure to start tours properly needs to be addressed. Over the last year we’ve seen England struggle in some particularly horrible ways in first Tests of series. The first Test in Sri Lanka last year is the probably the closest comparison – batsmen weren’t being undone by great deliveries, they just found exciting new ways to through their wickets away. By the time Trott was wandering off on Day One, we had a familiar sinking feeling.
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CRAPPY AUSTRALIAN POST-WARNE ERA SPINNER TOP TRUMPS!

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That first Test starting line-up in full

  1. Headless chicken (c)
  2. Wet blanket
  3. Jonathan Trott
  4. Startled deer
  5. Hopeless case
  6. Rabbit in headlights
  7. Lamb to slaughter (wk)
  8. Small boy
  9. Blameless fast bowler 1
  10. Blameless fast bowler 2
  11. Headless Swan  Slow left arm headless chicken