Fancy yourself as England coach?

engcoach

The TGECF joint application must have got lost in the post

Who knew that there was an actual online application for the role of England coach? Not us, certainly. Sadly for all you armchair coaches, the deadline has now passed, but interviews start next week, so hold on to your hats for a long list of mediocre candidates to fail to stand out from the crowd, before the job goes to Ashley Giles, fresh from tripping over his metaphorical shoelaces on the way into the interview (aka in Bangladesh).

Criteria for the successful candidate include the ability and/or willingness to:

  • Dodge questions about why KP isn’t still in the team
  • Scour foreign cricketers’ family trees for the faintest trace of Englishness, or failing that, just nicking players from the Irish
  • Organise Stuart Broad’s anger-management treatment
  • Keep Tim Bresnan in the manner to which he has become accustomed vis-a-vis cheese sandwiches and pints of bitter
  • Stop the team from being a total car-crash

The (now closed) application blurb can be found here.